Project Manager, I hate you, and I am sure you hate me. I just don’t understand what your job actually is.
What is so special about your role, that almost every company employees you. For the vast majority of projects, you hinder rather than help. I believe that most project managers can be replaced by a tech lead, I mean seriously, does a group of smart people really need someone to “run” a project for them.
Here is my list of 7 things that piss me off about project managers
1. You bring nothing to the table
I know it sounds harsh, but its true. Every PM I have ever interacted with, brought nothing to the table. If there was an issue or a problem with the project, you would press us to fix it, no really, I didn’t know that’s what we were supposed to do.
2. You are an information black hole
You communicate more frequently with upper management and business than you do with the team you are managing. As a result, important information about the project just disappears into your brain, only to be disseminated at the time and place of your choosing, usually just a few days before an important deadline. This creates a wall between upper management and the developers, in which you are the gate keeper.
3. You treat everyone like a commodity
You treat all of your developers like an expendable resource. You tell them how and when you want a feature implemented. You never ask us our opinion on a project. You rarely if ever, include us in any meetings with upper management where projects are discussed and planned. If you included developers in meetings with stake holders, then they would be more heavily invested in seeing it succeed, but then again what do I know.
4. Scrum brum, Agile fagile
You implement a totally BS project methodology, hoping that throwing around the latest PM buzz words will make you look smart. I am not a fan of waterfall vs scrum vs agile, they all their place, but for the most part they are just time wasters. Do I really need to break my work into small defined chunks so that I can include them in a sprint (side note – stop using sprint as a unit of time.) Why do I need a stand up everyday, I already know what everyone is working on, and if I don’t, then its because I don’t want or need to know.
5. You hold too many useless meetings
Don’t even get me started.
6. You hog all the glory and shower us with blame
Due to the artificial wall you create (see point #2), you get showered with praise and glory when a project succeeds. Upper management has no choice but to reward you because they have no idea who or what developers even are. When things go bad, you have an easy out, you can always blame a developer.
7. Vanity metrics
You love to create BS vanity metrics in Excel spreadsheets, to take to meetings to show people all the progress you have made, even though you contributed nothing. Why else would you pester developers on due dates and status reports. We give you BS numbers because we know that you fudge them to make yourself look good.
To sum it up, most project managers act in their best self interest, at the expense of everyone around them. Who can blame, the system is set up to reward this kind of behavior. Maybe the solution would be to get rid of the role once and for all.